Virgos

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I turn 50 this month!

Yes, I have a summer birthday and don’t you forget it.

You may know I’m a Virgo, but I’m not super mystical about it. However, there are some attributes that seem to ring true.

“…perfectionism and criticism…complex and demanding…can be difficult to live with, but no one can doubt their sincerity…a humanitarian streak…like to make an important contribution to society…preoccupied with health and fitness…they are constantly worried about it…They wonder what it would be like to have their own business.”

This was interesting:

“Virgo likes: Animals, healthy food, books, nature, cleanliness.”

And here’s another one:

“…ambitious and organized…will endure in all activities that require time and a long battle…often find their way to leading positions in large systems that need to be maintained and held organized and strict. Areas that might spark their interest and bring out the best in them are those in writing about history, gathering biographic details on people who once lived…”

Essentially, Virgos like me love “everything that is complicated and in need of fixing…connecting their own inner extremes of beauty and responsibility into one.”

Hmmm. I’ll let you be the judge if that sounds like me.

I had intended to make a list of 50 cool things, or 50 things that I think are cool, for my 50th birthday. But honestly, I think so many things are cool, I don’t even know where to start. Books? Birds? Foods? People? Cities? Heck, I could write a list of 50 cool words, like “syzygy” and “lavaliere” and “coracle.”

Picking the topic of the list is only one problem. Limiting the list to 50 things is the next problem.

Perhaps I’ll save this activity until next year, when I can choose 51 cool things.

 

 

Three Things I Learned in Japan That Changed My Perspective

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Mt. Fuji, Lake Ashi, Torii gate

Fuji-san rises above Lake Ashi. The torii gate invites you to embrace peace and respect nature.

It’s a big milestone year for us – several notable birthdays, graduations, and celebrating 25 years of being married to my best friend and love of my life. When my son suggested we travel to Japan to honor such a momentous year, we said “hai!”

For the next several months we planned the trip, researched the culture, the food, the history, the sights. I switched my Duolingo course to Japanese and found a tutor online to help me practice.  As our departure date neared, we got excited! We packed our bags, prepared to adjust to the time change, and suddenly found ourselves eating egg sandos outside a 711 in Shibuya.

We didn’t just bring home sunscreen, face masks, and Pokemon cards.

Here are three things that I learned – but there are so many more.

  1. The Japanese language doesn’t have a future tense. At first, I wondered how that reflected their culture’s sense of time, or their understanding of their place in the world. If they are very focused on the present, does that make them savor it more? Or are they a seriously YOLO country? Turns out my speculation wasn’t new, but it also wasn’t accurate. Their verbs don’t have a future tense, but they use other words to mark time. It’s so important not to assume things about cultures, or people, but to listen and learn.
  2. It is possible to have clean cities. Yep, it can be done. Japan’s cities are the largest in the world. And they are so incredibly clean. They don’t have trash bins every few feet. YOU are responsible for carrying the waste you create. This made us very thoughtful and aware. One morning I birded along the Kamo River in Kyoto and saw a man cleaning litter from the river. This attitude of cleanliness shows respect for your home, your neighbors, your world. You can do this in your city. We can do this in our city. We don’t need to live in communities with trash everywhere. Start today by cleaning up your own neighborhood.
  3. Gratitude is essential. I knew I would not become fluent in Japanese in six months. But I hoped to learn enough to be polite and respectful. Two essential phrases that I learned and loved using were “itadakimasu” and “gochisosama-deshita.” You say itadakimasu before a meal, and it means something like “I humbly receive this” or “I’m grateful for this food.” After eating, say gochisousama-deshita. Again, it means thank you for this meal. Whenever we said these simple phrases, the servers and staff smiled with delight. We felt happy in return. We began to look forward to these moments before and after meals when we could make someone happy by expressing our thanks, and feel happy in response to their joy!! Even know I can feel myself smiling remembering people’s responses to these simple acts of gratitude.

Words, as we know, have so much power. There’s also a special phrase to thank someone who hosts you at their home, or an inn, or ryokan. When I used it, again people were visibly delighted.

We learned so much from our time in Japan. (Learning vacations are a thing with us). My son described the experience as “paradigm shifting.” I know we will move forward in our lives with these new perspectives guiding us.

 

Three Things My Kids Taught Me This Year

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Things in Pittsburgh come in threes. Three rivers, three eagles on the city coat of arms, three kids in our family. Each of my kids is in a different stage of their educational journey. My oldest is midway through the traditional four year college experience. My middle just graduated high school. My youngest completed his first year of high school. I know they had a lot of learning moments, good and bad, in the past school year. So I asked them what some of their life lesson moments were, big and small.

The youngest said, “People exaggerate a lot of things. People want to impress others more so they make stuff seem harder than it actually is, or harder than it should be.”

The middle said, “You are the only one who can make a change in yourself. Don’t look to others to change yourself.”

The oldest said, “Going to the gym on a daily basis has helped my social anxiety. When I first went I was so worried people were looking at me. They weren’t. My confidence improved. By the end of the semester, I couldn’t wait to go. It made me more comfortable in uncomfortable situations.”

My kids learned facts and formulas, they wrote essays and read books, they took tests and did homework and all the regular kind of learning. But they also learned some important things about themselves, and about the world around them, that wasn’t spelled out on the syllabus.

I loved asking them this question and then listening to their thoughtful, insightful answers. It showed me how much they are growing. And they offered some great advice that will help me in my daily life. Hopefully their lessons will help you, too.

 

 

Three things I Learned Teaching an After School Writing Club

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Every spring, I teach a four week after school writing club at a local elementary school. We read picture books and discuss what makes each book special. Maybe it’s a funny character, a unique setting, interesting vocabulary, or a seriously surprising ending.

Then, the kids write and illustrate their own books.

I’m there to teach the kids about writing. But every week, and every spring, I learn something from these kids.

  1. Jump in. Our after school class is only 1 hour long, so we don’t have time to wait for inspiration to strike. These kids just jump in and start working on an idea right away. They don’t second guess themselves, they just get started.
  2. Go wild. You know that inner voice we have that makes us stop and say ‘that’s a dumb idea?’ These kids don’t listen to that voice. They give themselves the freedom to write anything they want, no matter what the other kids at the table might think.
  3. Dream big. These kids don’t set small goals. Most of them are working on stories at home in addition to what we create in class. And some of these kids are working on stories that are hundreds of chapters long. I’m not exaggerating. I’ve seen the handwritten manuscripts!

If you want to write, and especially if you want to write for kids, give yourself the chance to write like a kid. Write that idea, no matter how random. Let yourself write with abandon. Be free to follow the plot down a strange, unsettling path. And don’t put limits on yourself. You are strong and capable and creative. You can write that book!

And you can read more about my after school clubs here! 

Maybe You Can

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We’ve all had those days…weeks…where it seems like nothing is going right. You’re not just pushing a boulder, you’re pushing it uphill in an ice storm. You think maybe you can’t. It’s OK if it feels hard. It’s OK to take breaks. But if it’s something you care about, you have to adjust your grip and keep going. Because maybe you can.

Savoring Every Page

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I read around 200 books a year. I read for research, especially if I’m working on a project for a client. I read many books for pleasure, and many books to learn what’s working the market this year. Most of the time, those categories overlap. I read each book thoroughly, but quickly. I need to access lots of books quickly, so I don’t dilly dally. I’m a naturally fast reader, and I am fine with reading hard copies and e-copies. I’m usually reading several books at a time.

For Christmas, my oldest son gave me a book that I’m reading in a completely new way from my usual process. For this book, I have allowed myself to slow down and savored each and every page. There are so many things for me to ponder and discover, I am encouraging myself to only read a few pages each day so I can really prolong my enjoyment of this beautiful work of art.

If you haven’t read nonfiction in awhile, give yourself the gift of reading Tiny Worlds of the Appalachian Mountains, An Artisit’s Journey, by Rosalie Haizlett. Take your time on every page and fall in love with this beautiful and unique ecosystem.

book cover Tiny Worlds of the Appalachian Mountains

New story in Highlights for Children!

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I was so pleased to see my new story in the January 2025 issue of Highlights for Children. I was also really excited to discover I can download copies of Highlights on the Libby app and read them at home! I read this magazine over and over as a kid. I love that I can keep up that wonderful habit as an adult.

This particular story has some autobiographical elements, but really it’s about how so many people help me write stories and books. I’m forever grateful to my critique partners and supporters.

Things I Learned from Running that Help Me as a Writer

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a woman running giving a kid a high five

Running, Writing, Parenting

I’ve been a writer for a long time. I have bags of old journals and bins of old stories. I’ve also been a runner for a long time. I’ve learned a lot from both that help me with both passions. Here are some things I’ve learned.

There’s always someone faster.  This is true about running, writing, parenting. There’s really no use in comparing yourself, or your family, or your home, or your story, or your race, to anyone else. There will always be someone who seems ahead or behind, smarter or funnier, cleaner or fancier, whatever. So work on being the version of you that you love best.

Progress isn’t a straight line. Have you ever run in a really crowded race? Sometimes to get anywhere forward you need to go sideways and zig zag through a lot of people or around obstacles. Sometimes your training schedule gets interrupted by injuries so you have to take up cross training to get back out on the track. Sometimes you have to unlearn what you thought you knew about being a parent in order to get through a tough time. And often, you have to stop writing one kind of project and go back to the beginning of a different project in order to reach your goal. We often learn the most from the things we do wrong, so don’t get too down about making a wrong turn.

Injuries mean you need to rest. Even writers get injuries, both physical and mental. Do not skip those rest days. They are essential to operating at your best. And yes, ice packs work on both writing and running pains. So does chocolate.

Gear: Is it really necessary? Not always. You don’t necessarily need the top of the line computer or fanciest pen to write the best story of your life. And you don’t need every fancy running accessory out there. But if it helps motivate you, maybe that new ear warmer or notebook isn’t such a bad idea.

Sleep: Is it really necessary? Yes.

Drills and Muscle Memory are Important. Habits work. Stick to the routine that works for you. Ditch the parts that don’t.

Workout Partners Work. We all need friends but it can be hard not to compete and compare. Try to focus on the support and accountability parts of your critique partners and running partners. Remember, winning doesn’t mean beating them. Winning is about doing your best.

Sometimes There Are No Medals. “Good’ is so subjective. So personal. I might finish first in my age group in a small neighborhood race but have a terrible time. I might run a the race of my life and finish in the bottom half, maybe even bottom third of my age group and not a single person even notices my moment of glory. Parenting is the same way. So many times my best moments go unnoticed by anyone. Those times when I crack a joke with my oldest son, or help my middle son master a new skill, or join my youngest in a fantastic art project are private moments that no one cares about but me and my kids. That’s life as a running parent. And life as a writing parent can be the same. Your best story doesn’t always get published. You might not win that poetry contest. There are no medals for our best moments. So don’t worry about the medals!!!! Remember the moments that matter.